How does the song go?....

"Meet new friends and keep the old. Some are silver and the others gold"

Random question - Have you ever thought about all the different types of friends that you have? I have and here's what I have come up with...

• best friend
• old friend
• family friend
• friend you really don't like
• long-lost friend
• work friend
• friend of a friend
• your husband's friend's wife
• neighbor friend
• occasional 'meet for drinks' friend
• 'keeper of all your secrets' friend (not always your best friend)
• childhood friend
• new friend
• almost forgot this one.... Facebook friend
  

The list could go on and on if I let it. In reflecting about all the different types of friendships, I realize they all come with their own set of rules. Not rules that everyone agrees to up front but unspoken rules depending on which catergory of friend you are dealing with. How do you go from being the neighbor friend to the best friend? And is that wise? Are your work friends really friends or is it just because you see them day in and day out, 40 hours a week. Would you tell your husband's friend's wife (because of course you have to be friends with her ,too) the same thing you would tell your 'meet for drinks' friend'? Have you lost a friend that you would love to have back? Is there a friend that you need to take a 'relationship vacation' from to reassess the friendship and it's value? Have you ever just wished for one friend that could be everything? Some people would say that is a 'best' friend. I would disagree. A best friend comes with a whole list of rules too. Sometime the most complicated rules.

Since beginning my therapy sessions, I have given this topic a lot of thought. Trust me, I have not wasted my expensive, bi-weekly sessions on this topic but something triggered me to contemplate the idea on my own time. We can have all these friends listed above and still feel so lonely and with no one to talk to. Is it time to let some friendships go so there is opportunites for new ones or exisiting ones to flourish? Can you have too many friends? Are they really your friend? The person who dies with the most friends, isn't the winner. Why do people tell you to get more friends?

Just a little food for thought.............

Mom, your shorts are too small for you!

Today was very hot and sultry in Santa Rosa. Reminded me of my summers in New York as a kid. Even though the sky was overcast, the temp was bursting at about 98 degrees. It was just too icky and sticky for me.

I have not treated myself to any new clothes this past summer for many reasons. Top five reasons.... 1) I refuse to buy more clothes until I lose weight 2) I hate clothes shopping for myself 3) no job, no money 4) always end up in the kid's dept. buying Pirate or Princess something super cute 5) I refuse to buy more clothes until I lose weight. Oh, have I already listed that? I own two pairs of shorts that reach down to the knee and I have two pairs of shorts that are thigh-high. I rotate the knee-length shorts whenever possible, pair them with a few layered tank tops and a pair of flip flops and I have my summer uniform. Once, in a blue moon, I resort to wearing the thigh-high shorts. I have the world's worst farmer's tan this summer as a result of my official summer uniform mentioned above. When I wear the thigh-high shorts, not only am I uncomfortable because they don't reach to my knees but they are also baring my hideous two-toned legs. Tan below the knee and white from the kneecap up. It's not a pretty sight, especially when you add in the varicose veins I got stuck with after my pregnancies.

So to get back to the sultry weather... I got out of the shower and began immediately sweating again. I went to the closet to coordinate my summer uniform for the day. Yikes! My two knee-lenght shorts were in the laundry. If the weather was cooler, I would have reached for my velour sweats or yoga pants to pair with my tank tops and flip flops yet it was just too damn hot to wear pants so I had to wear a thigh-high pair of shorts. I picked an extra special tank top to make it a bit prettier on top. I applied a little extra makeup and spent a few more minutes on my hair. Oh, also picked out a cute pair of earrings to finish the outfit off. I did everything to try to balance the uncomfortable feeling I had going on. I think I looked pretty cute when I was all said and done.

I went downstairs and within minutes Princess announces in front of everyone: Husband, Pirate and the two crazy cats that she thinks my shorts are too small for me. Great!! My soon-to-be four year old has said it like it is. There is no escaping the reality of it. My shorts are too small and look hideous. Even a 4 year old notices. So I end up at Kohl's department store within 30 minutes of the Princess' declaration searching through their summer clearance rack for anything that was cheap and fit to the standards of my 4 year old. Of course, I brought her along as my guide to what was to small and not. I ended up with one pair of shorts or should we call them knickers. Knee-length of course. They are white so they will fit into my rotation of tank tops perfectly and they were only $12. I still refuse to buy anymore. I will lose the weight but I will never wear the thigh-shorts again. The thrift store down the road has two cute pairs if you are looking for some.

Relationship Vacation

Have you ever had a relationship with either an old friend or family member that you just need a vacation from? You still love or care about the person but each person just needs a break.

My brother and I took a vacation from each other for about 6 years. There was no big blowout fight to tell about or no long talk. We just needed a break from each other to transition into new roles in our adult life. My brother and I were latchkey kids and he often credits me for raising him. We ended up as roommates when we were young adults for about 4 years. Ever try living with family for a long period of time? Your business becomes their business. There is a very murky line between personal privacy and family. When the time came for me to move, the rental house was in my name, I am sure he wasn't too thrilled with me since he had to move too. Needless to say, that began our vacation from each other. We both went on with our lives without each other part of it. I can't speak for my brother, but for me there was a lingering sadness but I was okay with it too. I knew we needed the break. Two years ago our vacation came to an end. Once again, no long talk or dramatic family situation. It merely ended one evening at a pizza parlor to gather for a visit from our dad. From then on we have slowly become part of each others lives again. It's different this time. We have both stood on our own two feet as adults without relying on each other. Our relationship is based more on an adult friendship rather than relying on the old brother & sister roles we had as kids.

Just because someone is family or an old friend doesn't mean that a relationship can't be redefined on new terms and appreciation over time. Sometimes a little space does everyone a world of good. If the relationship is meant to be, a new common ground will be established. Everyone just needs to know that it is okay and not always a negative thing to take a relationship vacation.

The reason I bring this up today? I just spent the morning with my kids, Princess & Pirate and their Uncle A. We had a great time. I am so happy that Uncle A and I felt okay enough to take our vacation from each other for those 6 years. It made a world of difference.

Naked Ladies

Get your mind out of the gutter! I am talking about the flowers, Naked Ladies! And you probably wonder why I am devoting an entire post of my new blog to the annual summer flower, Naked Lady? What does this have to do with the objective of my blog? Not much... Well, kind of. I discovered Naked Ladies the summer I moved to Sonoma County, 21 years ago. I was a city girl from Marin moving for college to cow country (back then Sonoma County kinda was) I would drive the country roads and became fascinated with these odd pink, leafless flowers that would pop up in the most random, rural spots in the month of August. I don't remember ever having such a wildflower in Tiburon. Maybe I didn't notice but I don't think Tiburon in known for their Naked Ladies.

There is something about these flowers I love. They aren't the prettiest flowers. You wouldn't buy in the flower shop yet they are mysterious, coming back year after year without anyone tending to them. Imagine how old some of these bulbs are on these old farms? Needless to say, I began carrying scissors with me and I would go out in the evening and drive around clipping these flowers along the side of the road. I would bring them home and put them in water for them just to wilt and droop too quickly. After a few years of carrying my scissors at dusk, I began to realize that the Naked Ladies deserved to be left were they were and I should enjoy them in their existence, not mine. So I stopped cutting. Now, each August I drive along anticipating their arrival and admire their raw beauty. As quickly as they come, they disappear just as fast.

Now what does this have to do with me and my blog? Well, I have passed my annual tradition onto my soon-to-be 4-year old daughter, (aka.. Princess). She now drives around with me and points out each patch of Naked Ladies we see out our car windows. It has been a wonderful August with her, admiring the flowers. Princess is turning 4 in just a few weeks and I want to remember her and admire her for just who she is right now, even though she is growing so fast and so beautifully. May we always have our Naked Ladies each August.

Why start a blog? ... I am asked by my husband

Yesterday I was tutored by a dear friend on the ins and outs of starting up a blog. My husband asks, "why do you need a blog?" Since having my life take an abrupt complete 90 degree turn in February after being laid off from my long-time lucrative but highly stressful job, I have used the last 7 months to get on a path to someplace... hopefully a path that will provide a new and exciting career along with meeting the nurturing needs of my family and myself. It is a tough job to be a stay-at-home mom and sometimes not very exciting. I am on the quest to find meaning to all this and more. I have also begun individual therapy sessions to go hand-in-hand with this blog. There are just some things regarding family and such that I choose not to air out and dissect in a public forum that could potentially cause more stress in my life, if such people don't care for what I have said. I will leave that for behind closed doors with my therapist. For all the rest, I will share because life is sometime just not as it seems... See definition of Red Herring!

So this is why, my dear husband, I am blogging!